As nature would have it, women are naturally attracted to older men. This innate predilection for older men has placed younger women and their older mates on a romantic crash course for centuries. Despite the familiarity that such relationships have bred, there are still ways to improve these evolutionary sanctioned dynamics.
With time, the age gap between heterosexual partners tends to increase. As the years roll on evolutionary preferences and cultural norms conflate to create an environment where it’s common for men to date women substantially younger than themselves. As we age, partners see their age disparities widen. Perhaps dating a 16 year-old when you were 18 didn’t pose many challenges. But when she’s 24 and you’re 32, that age gap might present a curveball or two. To create a seamless dynamic when dating younger women, heed the following tips.
Ditch The Mind Games
Remember the naive early days of dating when your friends gave you what looked like sage advice to always wait a day before responding to your new flame’s message? That was advice handed out by immature young men. Perhaps such words of ostensible wisdom worked years ago, but not today.
There are plenty of reasons why she’s dating you. Perhaps you make witty political jokes and use obscure words that she loves slotting into her lexicon. It’s also quite likely that she’s into you because you’re not a callow young 20-year-old. Young –yet mature women- are looking for men that give it to them straight and don’t play petty mind games. She’s no doubt partially attracted to you because you’ve outgrown your frat-boy habits and know how to treat her like a woman.
Don’t Be Weird
Taken at face value, maybe dating younger women looks odd. Perhaps you feel like you’re more suited to date someone your own age. Why do you feel this way? She accepted your offer to go on a first date, clearly she doesn’t feel weird about it, neither should you.
It’s actually natural for men to date younger women. Women seek men that are confident, mature, have resources, and a lofty social status. All these traits more often characterize older males than younger ones. Of course women also desire men that are physically attractive, intelligent, and have a great sense of humor, but these traits are something that any man might possess. The former traits set older men apart from their younger counterparts.
There are reasons outside of evolution that explain your new Tinder match’s preference for an older man. It turns out that women are actually more mature than the age on their Bumble profile suggests. A recent study published by Newcastle University found that the female brain begins to mature at the age of 10.
Boys on the other hand may only be able to mirror that same level of maturation that girls have already achieved at age 10 when they’re between 15-20 years old. The specific type of maturation that’s referred to is manifested in cognitive and emotional areas of the brain. She may look young, but physiologically she may be just as mature as you are.
Match Her Energy
There’s a vast energy disparity between your 32 year-old and 25 year-old selves. If only you could slip the time-gods a $50 bill and roll back the years. People try to regain their youthly spirit by enrolling in a gym membership or practicing yoga, however, the most appealing route towards the fountain of youth might just be dating a younger woman.
A woman 10 or even 5 years your junior still has the energy to dance until 2 a.m. and opt for the double black diamond instead of the blue. Realize that dating someone younger than you means doing some of the same things you did when you were her age. With all the energy that accompanies youthly vigor she doesn’t want to spend her Saturday nights binging Netflix. Sure concessions will be made, but if you intend on being with this woman long term you’ll need to be able to keep up with her.
Let Her Kick It With Her Friends
I suppose this is a rule that applies to any relationship, but particularly when dating a younger woman. As discussed prior, you need to mirror her energy level. But we both realize that this can’t always be the case. Give yourself time off by encouraging her to hangout with her friends.
Every relationship works better when there’s a proper friend-partner balance. Let friends do the heavy lifting when it comes to going out for a third straight night or taking Zumba classes at 8 a.m. on a Saturday.
Even when you’re not tired it’s probably for the best that she balances her social life between your circle of friends and hers. While you may be able to get along just swimmingly with a younger woman, your friends might not.
Weed Out The Gold Diggers
The practice of MegaDating naturally filters out gold diggers. MegaDating is the act of dating prolifically so as to shift the odds in your favor of meeting someone worthwhile. A byproduct of this philosophy is that it can weed out suitors that are only into your for the size of your wallet.
A gold digger will prospect online dating sites and apps looking to strike gold. Sure you might match with some of these people, but when it comes to asking them out they’ll reveal their true colors. If you put MegaDating practices to work you should be able to identify a gold digger even before the first date starts. The MD philosophy allows for first dates to last no longer than 60 minutes, to take place in afternoons, and most importantly to cost no more than $10.
I suppose it’s possible that a gold digger will tough out a less than ritzy first date, thinking that you’ll splash down on the second. Little does she know that applying MD rules to the second date means keeping your second outing 100% free.
If you’re looking to date younger women it’s inevitable that you’ll run into a gold digger. The best you can do is refine your ability at identifying them before investing too much time and money into a relationship that’s based around how many zeros you have in your balance.
Bridge That Cultural Divide
Cultural influence has a way of driving a wedge between people. It’s more than likely that you two have been exposed to different culture. You were a huge Animaniacs fan growing up while she was more into Recess; you know every Smashing Pumpkins song while she can barely get through the first verse of Thirty-Three, Starla, or Bullet with Butterfly Wings.
Do your best to not ostracize her by bombarding her with references that go over her head or making her consume culture that she’s not interested in. Watch, listen, and consume culture that the both of you have a common interest in. Try to be aware if you’re pushing her away by broaching certain topics that she doesn’t care for or can’t relate to due to the age gap.
Dating Younger Women: Know Her Intentions
Meeting up with someone you met on a dating application or a female you met at a party last week doesn’t mean you’re going on a date. What you may be thinking and what she’s thinking might be complete opposites. Here’s a personal example.
During my 100-date experiment I once met up with a guy I had met through a mutual friend. He was an established man that I thought could give me some pointers on setting up a dating website. When he asked me out this was the only thing I had on my mind. The way he went about asking me to hangout didn’t make it seem like it was a date so I just went with the flow. By the end of the night he was trying to hookup with me. You never want to hangout with someone who’s on a different wavelength. I wanted to pick his brain and he wanted to get in my pants.
Make your intentions clear by asking her out with a TDL (time, date, location). Being explicit will save you time by weeding out women that want to form a non-romantic relationship. That being said, even if you do use a TDL that doesn’t mean she can’t call an audible and still use you for your: money, brains, connections, affection, etc. Keep your head on a swivel during your first date. Figure out what she wants out of the relationship before you get sucked into a dynamic that you don’t consent to.
Make Sure Your Ego Is Made Out Of Kevlar
It doesn’t have to be Kevlar. It could be rubber, trampoline mesh or even borax. The point is that you may be the recipient of some not so pleasant comments. The greater age difference the more verbal projectiles you should expect to be hurled your way.
Don’t let that look of disapproval from the waiter damage your ego. Be proud that the woman you’re dating wants to spend time with you. Expect people to throw shade at your relationship. If the woman you’re with means that much to you it shouldn’t be too difficult to deflect negative comments.
Don’t Let Sex Be The Basis Of The Relationship Unless…
If you’ve made it clear that your relationship with this hot 20 or 30-something will be a purely carnal one, that’s fine. The issue arises when that relationship hasn’t been defined. Before too many dates are allowed to elapse, make your intentions clear. The younger crowd is more willing to abstain from labels than you might be. If you feel comfortable with this loosely defined relationship, keep your labels tucked under your tongue.
But if one of you has made it clear that you want a more conventional relationship, place your emotional feelings ahead of sexual ones. Is sex the end game or do you want to build something substantial with your new lady? A foundation based on emotional and intellectual attraction is much more structurally sound than one bolstered by sex.
Be Open To Compromise
Perhaps you’ve arrived at a juncture where it’s the right time to have children. Does she feel the same way? Most women in their 20s are more concerned with building their careers than popping out a baby, though not every compromise will be so dramatic. Maybe you’re years of partying have worn you down. Nowadays you prefer to spend your vacation time with family at the Cape rather than partying it up at Coachella.
Think back to how you were when you were her age. Are you willing to date someone with the same priorities?
Stop Broaching Your Age Difference
You’re not addressing the elephant in the room by incessantly talking about it. In fact, if she’s on a date with you it’s doubtful that the age gap is even a source discomfort. Talking about it more than once in an awkward fashion only serves to make you look insecure. Should you ever feel this way either work through your insecurities or stop dating her.
That being said, considering society tends to look more favorably on the men in this situation there shouldn’t be any insurmountable insecurities to address.
Young women can be a handful. Having experienced such a dynamic from the opposite perspective I can provide an insider’s point of view. If you want to talk about dating younger women, or want a full-on strategy towards finding younger women to date – go ahead and book a New Client Skype Session on my calendar today.
During our intro session, we’ll talk about your dating history, discuss your future goals, uncover any roadblocks that might be in your way, make an action plan, and see if my 3-month coaching program may be right for you!