Is it really love, or are you just afraid to be alone? As a dating coach, I’ve worked extensively with single men as well as those who are in serious relationships. When something feels off about your relationship, it’s important to take inventory of what might be going wrong.
In my experience, I’ve seen many couples suffering due to a fear of being alone. Even when the relationship isn’t working out, when you’re afraid to be alone, staying in an unhappy relationship can seem like a better option than being single.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. At the end of this article, I’ll let you in on a key dating strategy that will allow you to be happy and confident regardless of your marital status. Moreover, this strategy will help you find a satisfying relationship that won’t be plagued by doubt and insecurity.
Now, let’s examine your relationship and figure out whether you’re truly in love or are just afraid to be alone.
Do You Have a Wandering Eye?
Even in the healthiest relationships, it’s natural to recognize when someone other than your partner is attractive. You can even develop an innocuous, fleeting crush here and there and still be very much in love with your partner.
But if you have a wandering eye that actually distracts from your relationship, that’s a problem. Do you find yourself wishing you could be with someone else or get a “hall pass” so that you could cheat without feeling guilty?
If your wandering eye is encouraging you to step out on your relationship, you may not be in the right relationship.
Are You in a Codependent Relationship?
It’s important that couples spend time together and engage in activities based on shared interests. However, you should also be able to maintain your independence in a relationship. Are you and your partner joined at the hip? Does your girlfriend or wife tag along with you, even when it’s a guys’ night?
Codependency is a huge sign that you’re just afraid to be alone. When two people need to depend on one another to the point that they begin to lose their individual identities, it’s extremely unhealthy. Furthermore, it can make it extremely difficult to exit a relationship even when you’re extremely unhappy.
Are You Giving A Lot Without Getting Anything Back?
In relationships, things should be 50/50. A true partnership involves compromise. If you feel like you are always the one putting effort into your relationship without getting anything back, that’s not good.
A compatible, long term girlfriend or wife should respect you. And part of respecting someone is being willing to compromise. If the onus is exclusively on you to keep your relationship alive, it’s time to take a step back. Putting in the effort without getting anything back isn’t something anyone deserves. Ask yourself if you’re doing this because you truly love this person or if you think they’re the best you can get and you’re afraid to be alone.
Do You Feel Good About Yourself in Your Relationship?
No, you can’t rely on someone to make you feel good about yourself. You need to put in the work yourself when it comes to increasing self-esteem and feeling worthy.
However, a compatible partner should be somebody who supports you and lifts you up. Although a relationship isn’t something that magically creates self-esteem, your partner should be something that enhances your happiness.
If you don’t feel good about yourself in your relationship, that’s a really bad sign. I’ve known many people who have entered relationships where they end up feeling worse in that relationship than when they were single. Yet, if the person is afraid to be alone, they often end up staying in spite of how toxic that relationship becomes.
Do You Trust the Person You’re With?
You can’t have love without trust. If you don’t trust the person you’re with, there is no chance that it’s true love because:
- Jealousy ends up rearing its ugly head when there’s no trust, driving a wedge between you
- A relationship without trust is lonelier than being single
- The relationship can’t evolve
- You can’t be vulnerable with someone you don’t trust
- A relationship without trust can cause you to shut down emotionally
- Communication isn’t healthy in a relationship where there isn’t trust
- When you don’t trust someone, you don’t truly know them
Are You Afraid That Ending the Relationship Will Disappoint People?
Maybe you and your girlfriend have mutual friends. Or, maybe your families are close and your parents adore her.
Ask yourself if it’s really love or if you are scared of the ramifications that will come from a breakup? If you’re in a relationship because you’re afraid of disappointing people, it’s time to face that and let the relationship go. Staying with someone in order to please other people is a recipe for disaster.
Case in point, I know of people who have gone as far as getting married because their families and friends were huge supporters of the relationship. And guess what happens? Both people in the relationship are miserable and things like infidelity often occur.
Always remember that a relationship is between you and your partner. It’s really no one else’s business. And if you’re unhappy, you should get out of the relationship so that you can allow yourself — and your partner — to find a romance that is right.
Are You Afraid That This is Your “Last Chance” At Love?
If you’re afraid to leave the relationship you’re in because you’re afraid it may be your “last chance” at love, guess what?
It’s not love. You’re just afraid to be alone.
When this fear keeps you locked into a subpar relationship, it’s time to change your mindset. At the end of this article, I’ll offer a strategy that lends itself to an abundance mindset, where you see firsthand that there truly are a lot of fish in the sea.
Do You Post Excessively About Your Relationship on Social Media?
There’s nothing wrong with using social media to show some love to your partner or post cute pics. However, if you find yourself posting excessively in order to show the world how “awesome” your relationship is (even when it’s not), that’s a problem. Similarly, if you constantly need to validate your relationship to friends and find yourself lying about how great things are to people, that’s a bad sign.
When it’s love, you don’t need to go around flaunting it to everyone and you certainly won’t feel the need to validate your relationship.
If you find yourself trying to “sell” how great your relationship to other, you may just be afraid to be alone.
Are There Red Flags in Your Relationship?
Basically, all of the things I’ve listed so far are red flags that the relationship you’re in may not be right for you. But there are tons of potential red flags you should be aware of when it comes to romance.
It’s easy to ignore red flags when you’re afraid to be alone. Ask yourself:
- Is there infidelity in the relationship?
- Does your girlfriend have trouble regulating her emotions?
- Is there a lot of jealousy in your relationship?
- Does your girlfriend lie frequently?
- Does your girlfriend have substance abuse issues?
- Does something just feel off?
Don’t ignore red flags just because you’re afraid to be alone. When you continually ignore red flags, you set yourself up for toxicity.
Does the Idea of Being Single Scare You?
This is the biggest sign that it’s not love and you’re just afraid to be alone. If the idea of being single scares you, it’s time to change your mindset. Fear of being alone is never a good reason to stay in a relationship. It’s unfair to you and your partner.
Years ago, I found myself single after going from a serious relationship to serious relationship. I know very well how scary it can feel to be alone after spending so many years with a partner. But it doesn’t have to be. Being single can actually be a fun, exciting opportunity for growth and discovery.
When I found myself alone, I wondered if I’d ever find love. In fact, I wondered if love even existed. That’s when I decided to change my ways and treat dating like a research project. I embarked on my 100-date experiment, using myself as the guinea pig. I went on 101 dates with over 50 men in one year. By the end of this process, I had a different outlook on dating, a newfound confidence and I found a relationship that was truly right for me.
So how did I accomplish so much in one year?
MegaDating
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating multiple people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full. When you MegaDate, you see that there truly are a lot of fish in the sea.
Instead of chasing after women and getting hung up on the idea of “the one,” MegaDating allows you to discover what you truly want in a relationship. Because you’ll be hanging out with more than one person, there’s less pressure. The pain of things like rejection is lessened and you’ll end up becoming more and more desirable to gorgeous, high-value women.
The reasons for this is that MegaDating elicits an unconscious sense of competition in women. Suddenly, you will be the one getting chased. And because you’ll constantly be practicing your dating approach, you’ll end up getting really, really good at it.
MegaDating worked for me and now, as a dating coach, I’ve helped other men use this strategy to rack up dates with desirable women and find lasting love.
Ready to learn more?
Overcome Your Fears
Stop being afraid and hire me as your dating coach. I’ve spent years helping men conquer their fears and crush their dating goals. I’d like to do the same for you.
If you’re worried that you are settling for the mediocre, let’s talk about your relationship and come up with a plan to healthfully work through your romantic issues. Together, we can figure out whether you should stay in your relationship or breakup up, and how to proceed in a compassionate, healthy manner that won’t result in a lot of fallout.
And if you’re single, I can help you attract gorgeous women, navigate the ever-evolving modern romantic landscape, and date in a way that is fun instead of frustrating.
Ready to get started?
Head over to my calendar and book a new client 1-0n-1 Skype session with me today! During our session we’ll diagnose your roadblocks, create an action plan, and discuss my Signature program to see if it’s a fit for you.
I’ve helped men all over the world experience romantic success and I can’t wait to do the same for you.
Talk to you soon!