Why don’t girls like me?

This is one of the most common questions I get when working with my male students. After being rejected and relegated to the friendzone time and time again, it’s understandable that men find themselves throwing their hands in the air in exasperation and asking “Why don’t girls like me?”

Difficulty in the dating world hurts your self-esteem and can make you wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe you’re just not the type of guy that can attract women. Or perhaps there’s something written in your DNA that repels girls. There’s probably nothing you can do about it, right?

WRONG.

The truth is that anyone (yes, anyone) can attract high-quality, attractive women if they have confidence and a few expert strategies in their arsenal. And you don’t have to ridiculously good-looking or rich to get a girlfriend.

In this article, I’ll explore several answers to the question “Why don’t girls like me?” and let you in on the secrets to reverse your self-sabotaging behavior in order to find success.

Why Don’t Girls Like Me?

You Need to Experience More

One reason you might find yourself asking “Why don’t girls like me” is that you aren’t putting yourself out there in various ways. And by “putting yourself out there,” I don’t simply mean seeking out a date.

Maybe you’re not keeping your social calendar full with fun activities that appeal to you. People often meet their partner through happenstance when they have a large social network.

When you participate in activities outside of work that you enjoy, you end up meeting a lot of new people, including potential partners.

Go out and meet new friends by joining an adult sports league, try speed dating, join a hiking group or take an improv comedy class.

You can find a variety of events and activities near you by doing a simple Google search, checking out groups on Facebook, or utilizing websites like Meetup and Eventbrite.

You Don’t Believe in Yourself

If you don’t believe in yourself and are convinced that women don’t like you, you’re basically setting yourself up for failure. It doesn’t matter who you are — women don’t respond well to men who lack confidence and fail to see their own worth.

Even if you don’t realize it when you tell yourself things like “I’m not good enough,” you are unconsciously sending signals to women that tell them, “DON’T DATE ME.”

Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness are extremely common and there are a plethora of causes that can lead to low self-esteem.

If you find yourself feeling negative and unworthy when it comes to dating, check out my article on Why Feeling Worthy Will Help You Attract Any Woman.

You’re a Pessimist

One reason you find yourself wondering why women don’t like you could be because you’re a pessimist and believe the world is out to get you.

Pessimism is extremely toxic when it comes to dating and other facets of your life. Pessimism puts you in a scarcity mindset, where you believe that opportunities for things like love and having or getting a long term girlfriend are extremely rare and relegated for the elite few.

In reality, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and literally anyone can find love and happiness when they open themselves to it in a strategic, optimistic way.

One way to combat pessimism is by changing your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance. Moreover, an abundance mindset encourages mindfulness, where challenges (i.e., breakups and rejections in the dating world) aren’t viewed as failures, but rather, opportunities for growth.

At the end of this article, I will let you in on my top dating strategy that puts the idea of an abundance mindset into practice.

Your Dating Profile Needs Work

Online dating is a powerful tool when it comes to amping up your dating game. I always recommend my clients download at least a few dating apps when trying to meet a long-term, compatible partner.

But the thing is, online dating is extremely mainstream. As a man, you’re up against a lot of competition in the online dating world. This is why you need to bring your A-game in order to turn online connections into real-life dates.

Regardless of which dating platform(s) you use, make sure you apply the following strategies in order to optimize your online dating success:

• Make sure that your photos are on point. No, photos aren’t everything, but they ARE very important when it comes to online dating. They are basically the very first impression when it comes to online dating and can be the definitive difference between a right or left swipe. If you want fail-proof strategies on getting the attention of gorgeous, high-quality women via your photos, check out my articles on some of the Best Bumble Pictures and Best Tinder Pics for Guys.
• Complete your dating profile. YES, it matters. Even if your photos are on point, an incomplete profile comes off as sketchy to women. Make sure that you craft a concise, compelling bio (see a great Bumble profile example here) that represents you in a positive light. Don’t write a novel that encapsulates every turning point and life lesson you’ve encountered in your personal trajectory thus far — remember that the internet and apps encourage short attention spans and she’s not going to want to read through all that.
• Give yourself a generous range when it comes to distance. Think about your preferred distance and increase that by 10-15 miles if you live in a city and 30-40 miles if you live in a county or rural environment. This will increase your number and quality of matches.
• If you don’t have a preferred age range — or haven’t had a lot of experience dating women younger or older than you — get outside of your comfort zone by widening your age preferences on your profile. There can be a lot of benefits of dating both younger or older women, as well as those your age. Basically, keep your options open so you can get as many matches and enjoy as many informative dating experiences as possible.

You Haven’t Mastered the Art of Messaging & Objection Handling

We all know that online dating is a big part of modern dating.

If you’re not meeting women online chances are you’re not meeting them IRL either.

A massive part of online dating is messaging (this goes for texting as well).

You see, when you’re online, you’re just another profile. Just another random guy from a stack of seemingly endless identical men. To stand out you’ll have to not only have a solid profile, but the texting chops to convince her to choose you out of the hundreds of other matches.

Luckily it’s pretty easy — if you know what you’re doing.

We’ll really dive in when you enroll in Dating Decoded, but before then here are a few tips to keep in mind.

• Keep the conversation revolving around her interests
• Use her profile to inform what you say
• Your opening message should be a question
• Engage her for as long as possible while she’s online, once she’s gone you may not get another shot
• Get her number of use a TDL to ask her out ASAP

When you do ultimately ask her out, chances are high that she’ll reject your date idea.

If that’s the case simply pitch her another.

Women Don’t Know You Like Them

If you’re a shy guy (or at least shy around girls), your reticence when it comes to approaching women isn’t doing you any favors.

When you fail to approach women or let them know that you’re romantically interested, they have no choice but to put you in the friendzone — because they have no idea that’s the last place you want to be.

Women value a man who is confident and direct. Moreover, women aren’t typically hunters when it comes to dating, which means it’s up to you to take the initiative.

Whether it’s online or in real life, you need to toss away fears of rejection and ask women out on dates. One way you can increase your chances of getting a woman to say “yes” to you is by crafting compelling date ideas that come with a clear TDL.

What is a TDL?

A TDL is an acronym we here at EmLovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action. It stands for Time, Date, and Location. Using a TDL makes it more likely for a woman to say “yes” to going out with you because they consider it chivalrous that you had the date mapped out ahead of time for them, and this also makes you stand out from other guys who simply ask girls to “hang out” or “grab a drink sometime.”

And when you use a TDL, make sure that the date you suggest is something compelling, i.e., it aligns with her interests and introduces her to a new experience.

For example, let’s say the girl you’re interested in is a horror movie buff who loves all things scary. If you lived in Los Angeles, you could suggest a date to one of Cinespia’s Hollywood Forever Cemetery outdoor movie screenings.

Why Don’t Girls Like Me? You’re Not MegaDating

If you’re looking to increase your confidence and quickly reach your dating goals, you need to start MegaDating. MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full.

MegaDating is the top strategy I used during my 100-date experiment. It helped me find a long-term compatible partner and it can do the same for you!

When you MegaDate, dating anxiety decreases and the pain of rejection lessens. Think about it — if you get rejected by one person while MegaDating, it’s not such a big deal because you still have a few other interesting people to hang out with.

Moreover, MegaDating helps you improve your dating approach because, after all, practice makes perfect. And the fact that this strategy takes on a “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” mentality, you avoid getting hung up on the idea of “the one,” chasing after women who ultimately friendzone you and settling for the mediocre.

Isn’t MegaDating Expensive?

Actually, no! If you follow my fail-proof dating blueprint for the first three dates, you’ll find that you can easily MegaDate without breaking the bank:

First Date

The first date should less than an hour, take place during the day and cost no more than $20. The goal of this date is to build trust and rapport.

Some examples of first dates could be going out to an eclectic coffee shop, checking out a cat cafe, or a picnic on the beach. Keep it short and sweet but also keep it creative.

Second Date

The second date should be something active and free. Some great examples would be going for a hike or visiting a really cool museum. The goal of this date is to escalate sexual tension. If you need some inspiration for great physical date ideas, check out 18 Physical Second Date Ideas That Get You Moving.

Because the date is physical, this offers you a great opportunity to break the touch barrier and deepen the connection with your date.

Third Date

The third date is where you can go all out with the nice intimate dinner. The goal of this date is to figure out if the two of you are a good fit as far as morals and values go.

It’s important that you ask the right questions during this date in order to understand if there are any dealbreakers that would prevent you two from having an exclusive relationship.

Moreover, this date is a time where you can become a bit more vulnerable and mesh serious conversation with the lighthearted banter you enjoyed on the first two dates.

Physical intimacy often occurs during this date if all goes well. Make sure that you are fully prepared for the possibility of the two of you heading back to your place by taking note of the points I detail in my Third Date Bounce Plan: How to Invite Her Back to Your Place.

In Conclusion

One reason you may have difficulty with women is that you don’t quite understand them yet. And that’s ok. Men and women are very different in certain ways, which can make dating a tricky road to navigate regardless of who you are.

Find a friend, mentor or dating coach to help you learn more about dating strategy and how to attract high-quality women.

As a dating coach myself, I’ve helped men all over the world find lasting love. I can help you find the same.

If you’re ready to transform a lackluster dating life into one that is full of fun, new experiences and success, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or a member of my team today.

Our program Dating Decoded will teach you how to MegaDate, create the perfect online profile, message skillfully, how to structure amazing first, second, and third dates, and much more.

Included in our program are four learning pathways: a robust online curriculum, 2x weekly coaching calls (with yours truly), a private student only community where you’ll get coaching and support all week long, and access to private coaching sessions that you can use for mock dates, profile reviews, social media setup, or personal coaching with me.

Dont’ just take it from me, here are some recent testimonials for Dating Decoded students: