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13 Signs You’re Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Woman

13 Signs You’re Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Woman

Wondering if you’re attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman?

Finding yourself attracted to someone who won’t reciprocate your feelings is rough, but what happens when that person seemingly returns your interests one minute but leaves you guessing the next?

Enter the emotionally unavailable woman.



It doesn’t matter how spectacular you are, your awesomeness won’t be able to cure her emotionally unavailable tendencies. An emotionally unavailable woman is not going to be equipped to give you what you want or need if you are looking to pursue a long-term relationship.

So how can you tell if a woman is emotionally unavailable? Take a look at the signs below to see if you are in fact attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman.

Signs That You’re Attracted To An Emotionally Unavailable Woman

She Takes Eons to Text You Back

You feel like you may be getting ghosted, which is an invariably awful and all-too-common thing that occurs in modern dating culture.

An emotionally unavailable woman is not going to be sitting by the phone, anxiously awaiting your call — or anyone’s call, for that matter.

An emotionally unavailable woman is someone who is not concerned with making a commitment and does not allow her thoughts to be occupied by when you will or won’t call. This behavior can even carry over into a date.

Have you ever been on a date with a woman that just isn’t invested in the conversation? You’re trying to crack her open and get to know her but she refuses to open her mouth.

This woman isn’t just bad at communicating but refuses to communicate. If she isn’t able to peel back even the most superficial layer of herself then she isn’t ready for a relationship.

Starts Off Hot and Then Cools Down Inexplicably

It’s paradoxical but sometimes when you start dating an emotionally unavailable woman, she can seem to be anything BUT unavailable.

An emotionally unavailable woman will actually leave you feeling borderline smothered at the beginning of a relationship, only to become distant within a few weeks or months.

We call this love bombing.



She bombards you with affection because she wants to feel loved. As soon as you reciprocate she runs away. Sure she may want you at first (or just want to be wanted) she is scared of creating a lasting and meaningful relationship.

She Bashes Her Exes

emotionally unavailable woman

Look, I get it — breakups SUCK.

And most of us who are seasoned in the world of dating have been burned at least a couple of times by some bad apples.

In an ideal world, breakups would end civilly and with the best of wishes to each other. Unfortunately, that’s not how it always (or often) goes.

It’s understandable that a woman you’re dating has been hurt a few times, and you certainly shouldn’t expect her to spout off glowing reviews of her exes as if she is giving them a 96% fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes. At the same time, if somebody is expressing a high level of hostility and allowing a vent session over their exes’ wrongdoings to take center stage during a date, that’s a problem.

This kind of upset shows that a woman has not healed from a bad relationship, and may not be at a stage where she can emotionally extend herself to you.

On the other hand…

She Talk About Her Ex All The Time 

If a woman is constantly gushing over how her ex was basically a God of Ryan Gosling-esque proportions, that can be a huge indicator that she is emotionally unavailable.

In short, the EX talk really doesn’t need to come into play until you’ve established a certain level of trust and comfort with each other. And when the topics of exes do come up, it shouldn’t be a session that includes bashing OR gushing.

When talking about a past relationship, the conversation should be a reflection on what you learned from that relationship, and how that previous experience has led you to a healthy place where you are confident in thrusting yourself into a satisfying and long-term relationship.

If she’s mentioned her ex a few times on the first or second date she may not be ready for another man. Ask yourself (or better yet, ask her) if she’s over him.



If she still has feelings for him, she clearly shouldn’t be dating.

Doesn’t Have Many Friends Or Close Relationships

Emotionally available people with secure attachment styles have friends. Maybe just a handful (Americans are pretty lonely nowadays) but she does have them.

On the flip side, if she isn’t emotionally intelligent and lacks the ability to empathize with others. If she lacks these basic skills it’s no wonder she doesn’t have friends. A human without friends is like a bird that refuses to fly with a flock.

Ask about her social life and try to figure out if she has any close bonds. If she just moved to the big city and is trying to make connections give her a break, but if she hasn’t been able to plant roots despite living where she’s been for years, then that my friend is a red flag.

friends

Never Had A Serious Relationship

This could be a red flag – it all depends on her age.

If she’s in her early-mid 20s give her a break.

But if she’s in her 30s or 40s and has never had a serious relationship… well that’s odd.

If she tells you she hasn’t met the right one, is too picky, or grew up in a cult, be leery of investing more time in her. She clearly struggles to make deep connections. Trying to make a profound connection with someone who has never connected with anyone is akin to winning the lottery. Save your time and money and invest it elsewhere.

She’s Not Into “Labels”

When a woman is just kind of whatevs about monogamy, that is a dead giveaway that she may be emotionally unavailable. Here are some examples of things she may say — oh so casually — that indicate she is not looking, or ready for, a long-term relationship:

“I’m just not into labels.”



“I don’t think humans are really meant to be monogamous.”

“I just don’t have time for a relationship right now.”

“Can we just keep things casual?”

I’m in no way judging someone who prefers to do casual dating as opposed to finding a monogamous relationship — to each their own!

However, if you’re interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with someone, it’s best to avoid someone emotionally unavailable. You may even be wondering if you can “hold out” until the lady in question gets over what she needs to get over — but what about all the fish in the sea who are already done with that type of baggage?

Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve to enjoy dating someone without a litany of red flags occupying your post-date thoughts.

Her Personality is Borderline Narcissist

emotionally unavailable woman

I’m all about confidence, but if someone has charisma vibes that leave you with an uneasy feeling, you may want to steer clear.

People with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders can be the most disarming of people in the dating world. An inflated sense of self and disregard for others’ feelings mean that these ladies (and men) will have absolutely NO qualms about approaching you or turning their flirtation powers up to high speed.

People with these types of disorders are chameleons. They can alter their demeanor in a way that appeals to your interests. They can often take on the persona of your dream woman, but in this case, that old adage about things being too good to be true applies.

Trust your gut instinct when it comes to these things. It’s normal for people to be a bit awkward and nervous when first dating or in life in general! And, quite frankly, that in and of itself can be charming.

Another sign she’s a narcissist is if she rains down criticism. 



If someone is emotionally unavailable, relationships can be a major trigger for anxiety. Dating requires you to work toward a connection with someone and be vulnerable — something the emotionally unavailable person is unable to do.

When you’re attracted to an emotionally unavailable woman, it can be painful to face her constant nitpicking and criticisms. You might also wonder what is so WRONG with you that your very presence makes her so irritable.

It’s not you that’s rubbing her the wrong way — it’s the pressure that comes with dating in general.

They’re Actually SUPER Unavailable in EVERY WAY

Is the woman you’re interested in currently married or in a committed relationship?

Yeah, she’s emotionally unavailable.

NEXT!

Addictive Behavior

If you notice drug or alcohol abuse, or other type of addictive behaviors, it is a strong indication this the woman you’re attracted to is an emotionally unavailable woman.

Addiction can be genetic, and it can also be a symptom of a bigger problem — depression, a history of abuse, and personality disorders, among other things.

If she’s addicted to drugs it’s likely that she has two personalities – her sober self and intoxicated self.

Don’t wait around hoping you can fix her. MegaDate so you don’t feel the need to stick with the first woman that has affection for you regardless of how troubled she is.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

emotionally unavailable woman

She would SO LOVE to get more serious, but the following things are holding her back:

-Work is just SO busy right now



-She has “a lot going on” personally

-She’s still grieving a past relationship (FYI, scroll up if you need a reminder — we covered this one)

-She’s just the type of girl who is EXTREMELY independent and, quite honestly, doesn’t need to hang out more than once a month — or even every couple of months 😀

Look…

If you are truly interested and emotionally available to someone, it doesn’t matter how busy you are. If you’re limited on time you will find a way to MAKE TIME for that person.

She clearly doesn’t want to make a deeper connection and progress the relationship.

End of story.

She Never Invites You Out or Introduces You to Her Friends

When you date an emotionally available woman, she will want to show you off to her friends. Sure, there is a waiting period before either of you will take your one-on-ones and move toward group dates and gatherings, but after a certain period, a woman should be willing and happy to take you out with her pals.

If she goes out and you NEVER get an invite, that is a major red flag. Meeting someone’s group of friends and going out socially is an integral part of becoming more involved in each other’s lives and building a stronger connection. But obviously, an emotionally unavailable woman wants NOTHING to do with getting closer to you, so why would she extend an invite to meet her friends?

She Doesn’t Want You To Leave The House

A sign she’s emotionally unstable is if she wants to keep you locked away Rapunzel style.

She’s afraid that if she lets you outside you’ll fly away like a child who loosened his grip over a balloon.

In a way this seems like a good sign – clearly she’s into you. But in the long run, you don’t want to date a woman that doesn’t want you to see the light of day.



Attract Someone Amazing AND Available

The very first step our students take after enrolling in Dating Decoded is to make their ideal girlfriend. We set them up with the tools they need to build the perfect partner. This romantic persona will serve as your north star always pointing you in the correct romantic direction.

If you’re the kind of guy who always dates the wrong type of person, it’s this first step that will help you realize and address your romantic pitfalls.

Once you have that target to aim for we’ll show you how to quickly meet women with MegaDating.

One of the ways I found a long-term relationship was by MegaDating. Megadating is the process I used during my 100-date experiment, and it involves dating multiple people at once in order to expend energy, increase confidence, and have FUN during the dating process.

Megadating is also a great way to avoid getting hung up on one person, particularly when crossing paths with an emotionally unavailable woman.

We teach men how to MegaDate by giving them the skills – via our online curriculum, mock dates, and live sessions – they need to meet women IRL and online.

Seeing as how most relationships start online, we devote a large portion of our program to helping men create the best possible online dating profile and to refining their dating app communication skills. 

Once the matches roll in we’ll teach how to use a TDL to pivot into the real world and how to craft the best first, second, and third dates. 

Finding a girlfriend who is emotionally available is a process. But once you learn it, you’ll meet dozens of women just like David did.

Want to learn more? Book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my coaches today.

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